One after Another

2012-02-09T00:19:00.000-08:00

#might'vebeenthecloudsblockingthemstars

The most interesting thing happened today. While i was walking home from Utar for the first time, since i thought it'd be interesting. A kind fellow stopped by and offered to fetch me back to my place. Never in my life have i met such a kind person. I feel a little bad not introducing myself though, was stunned by his generosity really.

Maybe it was too early for me to decide that this world is already hopeless.

*This post is dedicated to the kind person who fetched me back home today. I shall one day repay you for your generosity.

2012-02-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

#fakestarsontheskies

Just when I start to feel that every thing is getting better, only to find that it is all self-deception.

I thought that the pieces left behind were slowly being placed back. In truth, nothing has changed and I didn't even notice what was really happening. Seems like I'm losing myself more than getting myself back on my feet. It scares me so that my life is falling apart and without me noticing. Every day I question myself, what will happen. Before I make any decision, I ask, what if I choose this instead of that and then, what will happen?

Back then, it seemed to be a good idea to change to the person I am now. But looking back, the old me was much more better than the person I am now. I'm starting to lose it, asking myself to let go of every thing. As each day passes by, it gets so much more difficult to stop myself from doing so.

Is my dream finally coming true? Just when I thought it might not be so bad to be here a little while longer, to see if maybe every thing isn't as bad as it looks.

Heavy, it all feels so heavy.

If only the timing in my life isn't so bad.

2012-01-13T08:17:00.000-08:00

#justkeepwhistling

Sad like there is no tomorrow.

My nerves feel like they're short circuiting all the time.

I'm gonna explode. Shit.

2012-01-07T04:59:00.000-08:00

#walkingdownmemorylane

I feel like i'm gonna puke.

I think it's panic that i feel.

But why?

2011-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

#adayofsilencefromthemoodyfactory

1/1/2012

Today marks the beginning of a new year.

It's a bittersweet feeling. I feel relieved that all the less happy things are in the past now.

Also the sad feeling of missing out on many things and the fails throughout the year.

But i do not regret them. I'm am the way i am because these things happen.

And i am very thankful to the people who stood by me and supported me along the way.

I don't really remember any good thing that has happened during 2011, mostly the bad stuff.

But 2011 didn't feet that bad. It wasn't really a happening year. But people have ups and downs right? I'm still waiting the awesomeness to arrive and i know it will.

If you're still alive, still breathing and hopefully smiling then it's still a win.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right.

So if you had a bad year, it'll be better. Hang on okay.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE PEOPLE!

Ones that have always been in my life and will still be in my life.

One that i had never took the time to talk to.

And ESPECIALLY my family, my parents.

2012 will be a better year, better than the last ones,

If it doesn't turn out awesome, we will make it awesome,

And we'll ride it out like a boss.

2011-12-05T08:16:00.001-08:00

#asmilethatyoucouldn'tunderstand

When you see hope and anticipation in one's eyes and you can't even remember when you yourself was like that too. You can't help but to think that some day, all that will be gone for that person too.

Wretched reality waiting to make way into the lives of people. It's so sad to see.

2011-12-01T23:03:00.001-08:00

#thethingseveryonewantsbutdon'tknowhow

That feeling when someone comes into your life and changed it forever.

The power of existence i call it.

2011-11-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

#willoneeverbeenough?

Humans are often so apathetic.

It's so sad to see.

2011-11-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

#sodifferentyetsosimilarpeopleare

If you know enough about a person. You can destroy them so easily.

2011-11-26T09:07:00.000-08:00

#blankpagewithoutlove

Forgot what i wanted to say today.

2011-11-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

#thesmileonyourfacemademecry

Just watched You Are The Apple Of My Eye.

An awesome movie. It'd be really damn nice to have a childhood like that.

One you could remember as long as you live because it was that fun.

I have always wanted something like that. Real simple and enjoyable.

Not like the life i have now. I didn't like the ending though.

Then again, reality is always like this.

I really hope that i could tell the story of my own 那些年 with a smile in the future.

After watching the movie, i recalled that i once told a friend that if we were to make a movie of our lives. We'd make millions. Hahah. Now that someone else went and did it already and one about my life will never be as good as this one anyway. S it probably won't come true. Although there are interesting things that have happened in my life. But mostly it's just sad. I just can't help to think that way when it comes to myself.

Watching this movie got me thinking again. About everything in my life, up till now.

Everything just seems so dark, hopeless. I feel like i have done nothing at all up till now.

Nothing to be remembered by. No difference in anything. Just plain insignificance.

I see my dog walking around every day. She just sits by the door or sleeps most of the time. Although my family love her very much. But is she really happy? Cuz it can be really boring doing what she does every day. We play with her a lot but besides playing with us when we are free and walking around this very small house that i live in. It must be really boring right? Sometimes i wonder, would it be better to be a pet dog than a human.

Damnit. WHY?

2011-11-16T08:33:00.000-08:00

#shakethemoff,everything.likeitornot.

Needs to improve myself badly.

I want someone to help me but i want the satisfaction of getting them done myself.

Is it even possible?

It's really time to buck up shyang, buck up.

Just sit down.

And we'll talk.

Hell, it's fine not to talk even.

Just sit down.

Here, me and you.

2011-11-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

#inaspinningcup.

Funny how things turn out.

I've always felt that everyone around me is always better than me.

Almost perfect, in what they do at least.

With the stuff that's happened and is happening.

I'm doubting myself more and more.

I have a feeling that things is gonna work out good but why does it feel so wrong?

I need to pick myself up quick.

I used to rant about all the things in the past.

Like i'm the guy who is always there that nobody see. Or the guy who helps but isn't helped.

That everyone is better than i am and all sorts of shit.

A few days ago, i went out with a few friends which we used to hang out a lot.

They're all not here, but it still feels nice. It felt right.

Of all the things i used to complain about, i'm actually missing them now.

I use the word I a lot when i type or talk. I'm turning into a very selfish person.

As the society forces us in order to survive. I'm gonna try and stop this.

I'll be myself and still win. Just watch me world.

2011-11-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

#doingalltherightthing,thewrongway

Been feeling sick for a very long time.

Hopefully i'll get over this shit. It's killing me.

Sometimes i think that my body is trying to shut down by itself.

I wonder.

2011-10-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

#silentlytheycomefallingdown

I can't never say this enough.

I'm sorry that i'm always such a disappointment.

2011-10-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

#leftspeechlesstoday

I just got off the phone with my mum telling her i wanna quit my current course and leave this shithole of a college.

My tone wasn't respectful at all but i'm stressed out and i desperate.

I just broke my mouse and hit my head on the table.

I don't know what i should do now. I don't want to make a stupid mistake.

I've paid for my 2nd semester and it's only the 2nd week. I feel like a failure.

Help me.

2011-10-17T10:44:00.001-07:00

#askywithoutstarsisbeautifultoo

1.44am, electricity died again. It's the second time today.

What the hell is wrong with the world now?

At least I'm getting some silent time and let my brain rest for a little while.

College life has been.. Well, it's not really hectic. But it's not what I had planned for myself.

Heck, since when did life ever been fair anyway.

You see, although I have a lot to complain all the time. I actually enjoy my life.

I mean, if life throws lemons at you, you make lemonade right?

I want to do so much, I always end up not doing anything. I'm always looking towards the future.

What i'll be. What i'll do. That i'll change. It's getting me nowhere.

People say everyone was brought to this world for a reason.

Well, I really wanna know what that reason is now. I fear that the decisions I'm making now will mess up my life. You see, I haven't really made any good decisions in my life. Maybe that's why i feel so insecure when I have to make all the decisions on my own.

The fear i feel now is like, when you play a game, you level up and get attribute points right? You get stronger by putting them into the right stats and if you put them into the wrong ones. You're screwed. You end up underpowered, becoming useless. Then you'll create another character and start all over again. But you see, there is no 2nd character for you to make in life.

I have always been an average guy. Not good in the things I do, but I don't suck either.

You might think, that's a good thing right? At least everything is balanced.

But I've never liked being an average guy. I wanna be good at something, everything.

People like ^ don't get anywhere. They always end up being just someone who is always there, but never noticed. Like when people hang out together, there is always a guy who sits by the side. He doesn't talk and no one talks to him either. Don't say that he never tried. Because he did.

I'm writing my blog now. So I might as well be honest. I've always hated people who are better than me. We chinese have a saying that translates as "where there is a mountain, there will always be one that is taller" It sounds much wiser in canto but this is the best i can do. Anyway, I understand that one cannot be the best forever, as humans are very fickle beings. What I'm trying to say is, I wanna be a person who people will go "oh, that's the guy who punched superman and made him cry" It's not that I didn't try, I did. I worked very hard. But everything ends up in vain. Guess I don't have those special talents that I always thought I had.

I am now studying my 2nd semester in NUC. I still don't like the people. I hate the food here. The lecturers are mostly not up to standard. I wonder what am i paying for.

I have been thinking of leaving a lot lately. I don't see a point in staying here. The course doesn't seem to be what I imagined. Although this course promises a pretty good future. But i can't bear to get into something that I might hate. Well, I'm already starting to hate it. It's not the course, it's the people. The lecturers are no good, the students are retarded if I might say. Even if I graduate from this course, it is more likely that I'll have to work with them again. Which is a very scary thought. All in all, this is not the life i want.

I really don't know how to describe the frustration I feel. All those stuff up there doesn't even come near to the shit that is my life.

I don't want to be that guy anymore.

*While I'm typing this, I'm getting mosquito bites all over. Don't be surprised if you hear that I got denggi.

**Electricity still isn't up yet. 48% of my battery left. I think I'll use the cooler as a mini fan.

Nights world.

2011-10-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

#askysoblue,wherearetheclouds

Today started like this,

I woke up at 8.30 because it was so hot and i don't ever wake up this early.

Whole college was without electricity, for two damn hours.

I switched on my laptop, and used my cooler as a mini fan. How cool is that?

And then i started watching anime until my battery has 6% left. Lifeless, i know.

My mousepad stopped working suddenly and my laptop can't detect any wifi.

I tried to find out what's wrong. Cuz this happened many times and it's bugging me out.

My laptop is still pretty new you see. So i'm freacking out.

10mins in, electricity came back. Mouse pad starting working and internet is working fine again.

This just doesn't feel natural.

Was supposed to wake up at 9 and start studying.

12pm in 8mins. I'm sitting here typing this and watching anime.

Today just doesn't feel right.

2011-10-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

#goslow

Feeling old.

Went to places with parents for the whole day and i'm tired already.

Used to be able to go everywhere and still be able to jump around.

I'm slowly changing and i'm not liking it.

I need a wake up call.

2011-09-30T07:41:00.001-07:00

#waitingupinthetree

My world is flipping upside down.

I know it's wrong but it just feels so exciting.

2011-09-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

#heretowin

I feel better these few days. At least i don't feel the stress from the exams already.

Sleeping at the appropriate times and eating my meals properly.

That is a very good thing

I went to see a tarot card reader a few days back.

She said that everything was fine. The only thing i shouldn't do is getting into a relationship.

She also said that i was thinking about it. It wasn't entirely true.

Cuz i know if i get into one, it'll fuck up my life. I just don't have the time now.

Anyway, hearing her say that. I finally made up my mind. I'll just focus until the time comes.

It's not that i'm so superstitious or what. But i've already knew that it wouldn't work out.

I just need someone to tell it to my face.

Also, i went out by myself on Tuesday.

Although it may seem to suck going out alone. But it was okay i guess.

Watched Nasi Lemak 2.0 and Johnny English. I even bought a basketball.

It feels awesome to own a basketball mind you.

Spending money can make you feel awesome.

Anyway, it wasn't that bad. I get to spend some time alone doing whatever i want to.

Both the movies weren't bad either.

Well, what i really wanted to say is i feel like myself again.

I feel the awesomeness, it's coming back.

I'm just hoping that it'll last.

2011-09-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

#blank

It has been a very long time and i believe it's time to let go.

It doesn't affect you no matter how much i care or not.

You didn't seem like you wanted to see me the other day.

So this is the end. I'm not gonna find some stupid reason to see you anymore.

I have been asked this question many times.

Why do i still care so much about you. Frankly, i can't explain why.

Only thing i can say is, you make my day. No matter how down i feel.

Seeing you makes everything okay.

2011-09-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

#fallingdownandcomingbackup

It's the fifth day i'm back in ipoh.

Everything still feels amiss but slowly i'm trying to let everything go back to normal.

Although i still get depressed on and off for all the crazy reasons, be it stupid or not.

I think things will be fine?

It is true that i hate my life quite much as nothing has been going the way i want it to be.

My college life is nowhere near how i imagined it would be.

To be honest, i'd go crazy studying there. But semester 1 has already ended.

So i guess i'll just have to tough it out. Two years.

I still think if i got into the right thing for me or not all the time.

I always try to plan things out so that things will go smoother.

But for some reason, nothing ever works out.

Maybe i should just let things go and just follow for a while.

Things might work for the better. I don't know. But i'm on really thin ice now.

I'll try anything to make life enjoyable.

I feel disappointed, i just went through 3 weeks of exams.

You might say everyone needs to go through exams, everyone else is studying too.

But trust me, if you are in my shoes you would be grateful to come back in one piece.

And after such a long fight with all the sleepless night, feeling guilty watching movie to relax a little.I thought i could come back and enjoy a little, go out for some basketball or badminton.

Too bad everyone is busy studying. I anticipated more. I was actually really excited to come back. So i guess it's really just me now.

What sucky timing, but this has been happening to me all my life.

I should actually be used to it already, so why am i not?

I do believe in luck and i really do believe that luck do not favor me in any way.

Maybe i pissed off the gods of something. I don't know. But if i did, i'm really sorry.

Give me a break will ya?

I have so many things i want to say, i just can't think of them right now.

My mind works at best when i feel really depressed and now i'm just relaxed but restless.

Does it make sense? So yeah, i'm a very weird person. Nobody has ever said that to me.

But i do believe that everyone thinks of me that way. It's not like i hate it.

I get to have my time for myself cuz people don't normally approach me unless they need something from me. But you know, it is quite lonely living this way.

You could say i can change the way i live, but truthfully i'm too scared to change anything.

Life is bad as it is, i don't want anything to get worse. I can't see any good coming out of anything.

I'm just really tired, you know?

I went back to school a few days back to have lunch with a friend.

Well, that was one of the reasons. I really wanted to see her.

It's crazy that i still think about her after all this while.

I just can't help it. Well, it is all for nothing. She didn't even want to talk to me.

At least it looked that way. I wonder, should i try texting her or something.

I need a closure. Even if she is gonna say that she hate my guts.

After all, i didn't know what happened between us. Although i could tell i was a shitty person back then.

I'm a person who knows what i want. But you see, like i said nothing goes my way ever.

I don't wanna sound like a mad person here whining bout a shitty life here.

But you don't know me, so you don't get to judge me.

I don't mind people hating me, I think it's easier living life that way.

I actually feel that most of the people i know dislike me or at least don't give a damn about me.

I would call myself the other guy. People who are always there but you barely notice them.

In one way it could be comforting. I can live my life however i want.

I need not care about your problems and i don't bother you with mine.

I mean life is like that right? If i don't bother you, you don't bother me.

I always thought that there was such a rule. But it seems like nothing matters anymore.

People just do what they want, whatever the consequences are. As long as they themselves are unscathed.

You see, this is why i don't like living. People are fuckin asshole.

Selfish, greedy. I know i always say fuck them and fuck off la, who cares?

But in reality, how do you not care if these kinda shit keep happening to you?

I feel defeated now. What is the purpose of living?

People don't seem to care about anyone else but themselves now.

My life is a joke. If you would submit a story about my life to www.fmylife.com

People would think twice before posting theirs. I mean it.

I don't want much, i just want to live my life peacefully.

I have even given up on my dreams of one day having a big house a nice car and so much money that i can travel all the time, maybe not even needing to work anymore at some point.

I don't want those anymore. What i need is only to survive now.

Even breathing seems so strenuous. I feel tired breathing.

My heart aches for all the silly things and things untold.

Sometimes i really do hope that everything would just suddenly end.

Like my battery ran out or something. So i won't have to see this wretched world anymore.

2011-09-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

#waitingforeverythinganything

I have been awake for 24hours now.

Studying for exams and whatnot, it's really pissing me off that i had to spent 3 weeks studying.

I did play and watch movies, but feeling guilty all the while.

Damn this sucks. It's all for a 'better future' which we might not know would happen or not.

Anyway, today is the last friggin day. Although it costs 400bucks per paper.

I can't be bothered if i pass anymore, i have studied all the shit i can.

Some i don't even understand what the heck it is. But i tried my best.

In less than 2 hours time, i'm gonna get it over with, pack my stuff and wait for the time to come.

The time to go home. Awefrigginsome.

Can't wait.

2011-09-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

#theworldaintfunnynomore

Two papers left to go tomorrow. RM400 for each and i'm gonna fail at least one.

I haven't even spend so much money on myself before and now it's gonna be gone just like that.

Just because i couldn't circle the correct answer.

How did life become like that?

2011-09-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

#needlesintheheart

I wonder how long will i be able to tolerate this idiocy.

I've always wondered what is everyone else doing up this late. Mind to share?

2011-09-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

#poisonedbyfreedom

We all know what we need to do.

But why aren't we doing any of it?

2011-09-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

#losingcount

It has been 3 long days, 3 red bulls and 3 very sleepless nights.

The next few days is gonna be painful.

2011-09-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

#williteverbeenough

I used to feel that i can do anything i want if i want to.

I could even rule the world if i wanted to.

But why do i feel so worthless now? I felt like i have lost all the strength to do anything.

I used to be awesome. Now i'm just a nothing.

What gone wrong in between? I used to love my life, however boring it might seem to other people.

But now i dread waking up in the morning, because i know that nothing special or awesome is waiting for me.

I don't even feel like sleeping anymore, because i know when i wake up the cycle of boredom continues.

How does it feel to feel? I can't remember anymore.

There is only a big ball of emptiness inside me now.

Is this what they say by having a black hole inside you?

Everything is breaking apart until there is nothing left.

Slowly i'm disappearing, becoming a ghost to be forgotten.

I'm really tired. Can i let go?

2011-09-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

#whywereyoublue

Woke up to a headache, slightly swollen eyes and sore throat.

It felt like i just came out of a train wreck.

Why is everything like this now?

2011-09-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

#fireworksinmybrain

You and I, we live in a different world.

And when different worlds collide, nothing good happens.

That is why we can't be together.

I just thought of this ^ suddenly and laughed to myself.

If someone were to reject a person this way.

How is the rejected one supposed to react.

I mean, you would want to punch that asshole right?

But it's no good to punch that person because it'll make you a crazy bitch.

It'd be funny to watch someone do that.

I don't know. The only words i can think of now.

What is gonna happen?

I.Don't.Know.

shit.

and you know what? i have just realised that i am having such a bad time, i complain to everyone that starts talking to me bout all the shit here. damnit.

2011-09-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

#tinylittlethingsthatmakeyourday

Oh and i just realised. I talk like an idiot now.

Thanks to being in nilai, learning with the retards.

At least some of them are. Oh so frustrating.

But it is comforting somehow. So i guess it's fine.

If i don't overdo it.

2011-09-07T12:47:00.001-07:00

#ineffable.

I don't have anything in particular i want to say today, i just feel like saying hi.

Having exams, holidays is in 3weeks time. Though the hols is a little short.

I can't wait to get back home. Where you guys will be, where you will be.

Thinking of the hols just get me excited. 3weeks, just 3weeks.

I'll come back victorious and celebrate with you guys.

My time has come, i know it.

2011-09-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

#astoryofnotonlyyoubutus.

I know there is nobody to blame.

But the reality is like this. What else can we do but to face the fact?

It is also because of you guys that i'm still afloat

I'm trying my best and i know you are too. We'll work it out in the end.

See where we end up and walk through it with a smile.

If only i could muster strength, if only.

2011-09-03T08:00:00.001-07:00

#trippingoverallthelittlepebbles

I know a frugal life could be enough for me to live.

But would it be enough for me to enjoy my life?

I am crying like a baby deep down inside.

Lost like an abandoned kitten.

Confused like a child who thinks everything is his fault.

I don't know what to feel anymore.

2011-09-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

#thegoldenquestion,patience?

You know, people look into mirrors every day.

It became a must do thing in our lives. We look into the mirror to check if we look presentable or not.

To see if our hair in style and not poking out in the wrong places, because we want to impress that girl.

To make sure we look proper for work, for a dinner, for any kinds of occasion.

But you know, life isn't a mirror. Nothing is as it seems at first glance.

You might see a woman with fancy branded clothes, but is she really rich? Maybe she borrowed them? Stole them?

A man with ragged clothes, messy hair and a common face. But is he just another guy? He might just be another rich guy in disguise.

We don't know. We'll never know.

One thing we do know, life is an asshole.

Life throw shit our way and we have to face it. Although many people find ways to avoid life.

Ways to make everything 'look' better. Deep down inside, we know it's all just a fake.

So how should we life? Will happiness be ever achieved?

2011-09-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

#sitting,waiting,amifading?

I can feel the awesomenest seeping out of my veins.

Is this the end?

I'm feeling old,

I'm feeling slow,

It's a little cold,

I have fallen so down low.

2011-09-02T09:04:00.000-07:00

#questionmarksallovertheplace

I don't know what i feel right now.

Depressed. Excited. Forlorn. Everything and nothing.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I wanna be here but i wanna be there too.

I wanna come back but i can't give up.

I used to think i'm strong but i'm not so sure anymore.

Everything is changing, changing too fast.

I'm starting to feel left behind, falling, dropping in to nowhere.

What the hell is gonna happen to me?

2011-08-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

#can'thearitnomore

Woke up to nags and angry parents.

What a way to start the day.

2011-08-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

#lostinthecrowd

Would everyone just shut the fuck up for a moment?

Please, just for a little while.

2011-08-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

#stillmindfucked

I can feel the effects of sleeping less than 3 hours for 3consecutive days.

I'm becoming delusional. Only had 1 proper meal each day for the past few days.

Everything around me seems to be falling apart, rapidly, slowly simultaneously.

In a few more hours i'll have my physics paper and finally my EF paper.

I'll be free. I feel excited now. The thought of seeing people back home really lighten things up.

Even though i know that the two papers later will be fucked up, i can't be bothered anymore.

Physical and mentally exhausted. Zero power left. Gotta give me some time to recharge, damned world.

Shall try my best to keep awake and finish the tests with as flying as the colours could be.

Clock ticks,

You know what awaits,

None other than Death and really bad grades.

2011-08-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

#downintheslums

I can't believe how retarded the people i'm surrounded by here are.

Was having aerodynamics test just now and right after everyone came out, they were talking about how difficult the questions are and whatnot. Complaining about how tricky the questions are, playing with words or whatever. The truth is they got it wrong and that doesn't mean that it is tricky.

I read the question, everything made sense. Although there are a few grammar mistakes here and there. But all in all it was fine.

If you people can't understand the damn question, it means your english standard is equivalent to a piece of shit. Stop complaining and start reading some english materials please.

Annoying mother fuckers.

2011-08-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

#deathawaits

Why is the always the case?

I know people but i don't have a lot of friends.

Another fact about myself that i like and dislike.

There is always a story behind how a person feels about the people around them.

But people hardly ever notice or talk about it. Well, thats the thing.

This is why people are so hard to befriend. On the other hand, what will your reaction be if the ugly truths were to be revealed?

Life is complicated as it is. Humans are making it worse.

2011-08-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not being myself at all lately, I feel restless, angry.

I'm doing things very rashly and VERY un-calm.

Things are changing for the worse, I know it.

I'm panicking, i wanna stop it so bad but I don't know how.

Maybe you were right, I might be exploding.

Shyang will always be there for you,

but will you ever be there for shyang?

I have never felt this alone before.

2011-08-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

#I'm tired.

I have been trying to study all day, past few days but it just isn't working.

#I feel like shit.

Because i don't feel like i belong here.

#My brain hurts.

There are so many things going on my mind and nothing is working out.

#I don't like it here.

They are not like you guys back home. I don't feel liked here either.

#I miss home.

Home Sweet Home. What else can i say more?

#I miss you guys.

Even if i never say it.

#I miss you.

It's not the first time already.

I'm weird. I don't talk much.

But i tried my best. When i said you think you know me.

I really meant it. You just don't see it.

What else do you want more?

I have nothing left to give.

2011-08-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

#I'mgonnastartstudyingnow

Woke up at 11am today. Was supposed to sleep for 1 hour and wake up at 4 yesterday. Another failed attempt. Went straight to bath and all and came back and tidy up my room straightaway though. Told myself to start studying since Friday but i haven't read a word till now.

I just realised while bathing today that the most exciting thing i do every day is when i bath.

The water is so cold it hurts. It's like having a lot of needles pricking at your skin.

The sight of seeing your blood drained slowly from your palm and it goes white, numb.

And then it slowly turns pink and blood starts flowing back and the tingling feeling you get.

I think that's pretty cool, its like your hand goes dead for a while and it comes back to life.

When you read this, you'll be thinking why is he writing bout cold water and hands going white.

Well, this is how bored i am and that entertains me. I'm a weird guy.

FEAR. I'm typing this in caps because this is a very big word.

It dictates most parts of our life. Keeping us sane, away from danger and whatnot.

But it is also what makes us go crazy and errr... Well, crazy.

When will it end?

2011-08-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

#becauseitisdifficult.

Who the hell do you think i am?

I'm JS, the awesome-est person you'll ever meet.

I'm gonna study now and my sheer awesomenest will light the books in fire.

Also if you ask superman why did he come to earth, he'll definitely say its cuz he wants to meet me.

I'm just saying this cuz i just woke up,

I'm bored and i need to make myself study.

2011-08-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

#somethingsgottachange?

It amazes me how someone can be stuck at heart for such a long time.

How attached a person could be to another.

How two person can go along so well with each other.

I love your humour,

I love you smile,

I love the way it pops up in my mind every once in a while.

2011-08-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

#howcani?

Okay, so i wanted to start off with something cool i came up with and continue bout lotsa stuff i thought off. But it was yesterday night and i was too lazy to get my laptop on again. So i ended up forgetting all of it.

So here goes, a dream i had this morning. It was a weird one but somehow calming.

Almost everything was the opposite in this dream, nice people i know became assholes and well assholes were being nice.

I realised one thing, people you know may be nice but what are their real intentions. We don't know most of the time. We just go with it.

One thing that was nice, that is the assholes i knew could be really nice person too. If they came from my dream that is. There are also people i don't know though, maybe i've seen them before and my brain just saved them down for some reason. They're really nice, it's always nice knowing new people right?

This dream was about me transferring to another high school. I don't know why was it high school. I think i just miss the old days a tad bit much.

There was this other person, an old friend. Was exactly the same, really nice person. It was nice seeing you again even if it's just a dream. This person always gives out a calming aura i guess, you don't have to be careful and tip toe around when you talk. Like that kinda feeling of hostility when we are around people, this person doesn't have that.

It felt like i was living again, at least till i woke up and be told that it was just a dream.

Stupid things are beginning to happen again.

Things like VERY SHITTY INTERNET, yes i know i complain a lot. But what are the coincidences of having your wifi and broadband fail you at the same time? Shit man i'm telling you people, if there is a GOD OF ALL INTERNET he must hate me very damn much.

And yeah, i said "you wasn't" the other day. I can't speak decent english anymore. Not since i came to NUC, my chinese improved though but i don't like it. Chinese improved, yes, verbally not written. I want my english speaking people back!

THE FUN THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED SO FAR,

Is having my old friend, U Guan back. Well, i can't say i've known the guy for a very long time but it certainly feels that way. Went and hang out, had some chillax time which is very rare to come by nowadays. Was supposed to go to KL for LASER TAG with them, BUT the holidays isn't for seremban. So yeah, this is one of the stupid things to happen.

I actually thought of many things that is much more interesting than ^ up there.

My mind just doesn't work well when i feel relaxed or less stressed. I think my brain was psycho-ed somehow, thinking that being upset and depressed if i might say is being normal. So yeah, pump me up with some depressants and i'll become a fun person. At least i'll speak correctly.

Mind you, while typing this all I had shitloads of mistakes. Mixing up words and all. My brain is FRIED beyond repair.

I still have lots of thing but i just can't recall any now. This is why learning how to shut your mind off isn't a good thing kids.

Till then.

2011-08-15T21:52:00.001-07:00

Because you used to say i look good that way,

I didn't change a thing.

Because you used to tell me how much you like that show,

I downloaded it all and finished it.

Because you used to laugh at my jokes,

I couldn't tell them anymore.

Because it's just not the same.

2011-08-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

Predator and prey.

I used to be the other. But i'm thinking that the latter is what i am becoming.

2011-08-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

Talk. Powerful word indeed.

I'm realising that i may be, just another guy.

Like everyone else that passes me by every day.

This is so unacceptable.

2011-08-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

Listening to Forever & Always by Parachute.

Hoping some weird mojo magic would happen and i'd become the guy in the song.

Although death awaits at the end, but its pretty cool to have someone love you that much right?

2011-08-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

kei sat, lei tai ngo hou chi hou len dim.

but gor, ngo hai dou sien dou len gam.

gor dit yan yau guai dou len gam. ng len zhi kui dei oi met 7.

ngo ng gong. lei ng ji.

ngo gong jor. lei yau ng len diu.

lei oi ngo gong lei jou met 7 gam?

san wut ga nan,

wan sik gang gar ga nan,

wo yi ga yau feel dou hou len lan,

yau hou chi hou len dak han,

but gor kei sat hai ngo lai lai han,

yi tiu lou you dim len hui hang leh?

2011-07-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

Still being a fool about it.

But this time, i know what i want.

I'll need balls of steel to do all of them.

The world ain't small enough.

Cuz it takes me 3hours to reach home.

Even then, chances of seeing that pretty face of yours.

Is even lesser than a dream.

I'm such an asshole, shit.

2011-07-25T13:37:00.001-07:00

Being a fool about it.

2011-07-20T11:42:00.001-07:00

You think you know me.

Think thoroughly, before you say you do.

2011-07-20T11:08:00.001-07:00

I can't tell you that i'm tired.

Partly because you're one of them reasons.

I can't tell you how pain it feels.

For i once felt that way for you, but not anymore.

Because i feel nothing when i see you now.

That too, feels painful.

I say things, to make you walk away.

Because i can't stand having to see you.

The things that i wanted to say, but i couldn't.

The times where we could've smile together, instead of that awkward silence now.

Its difficult to live in this world at this time.

Every thing seem to be judged by its value.

It'd be nice if it is a little more like the olden times.

Where most things are decided on mere whims.

2011-07-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

I've been sleeping around 3 to 4+ in the morning since before the past week and i wake up at 7.30 every day. Except weekends that is.

I why can't say for sure, but i'm pretty sure what the reasons are.

Its really tiring, but i just can't bring myself to feel rested enough to fall asleep.

Tell me something is not wrong. I need some convincing to feel sane.

If only i could strike a deal of some sort with good ol' sleep.

You let me sleep, i'll let you laugh if off at how pathetic i am to have made this deal.

Sounds fine to me. What you say, sleep?

2011-07-11T05:58:00.001-07:00

Life and problems, what a bad joke.

2011-07-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

Time really flies, I've been here in Nilai for more than a month already.

Despite being here that long, I still can't believe that we're really moving on.

Leaving the place that we all used to have so much fun, the place that we used to dread so much.

Which isn't that much dreadful if i think back about it.

I can't help reminiscing bout the good and bad times we all had.

I miss doing the crazy stuff and i miss you guys back there.

Although i miss everything i used to have so much.

It is inevitable that we leave for our future.

I'll always try to make things better than is was.

Here and everywhere i end up to.

Life gives us paths,

Paths branches out into more paths,

There is will never be a dead end,

So never give up.

2011-06-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

I may not be worth your time,

But you are well worth mine.

I am not doing this just for myself,

It is partially for you too.

Have you ever thought of the people,

People who are around you every day?

You are not the only person in this world.

2011-06-13T08:05:00.001-07:00

can i waste a little of your time,

to have you sit here,

and listen to me cry my guts out,

just for a while,

because i don't think i can handle it anymore.

2011-06-11T08:44:00.001-07:00

i feel like writing again. should i?

2011-06-11T03:14:00.000-07:00

gotta keep myself thinking,

so that i won't stop moving,

then maybe i could start winning.

2011-05-21T10:31:00.001-07:00

We enjoyed our time, we shared many laughs.

Good times spent together, got to be ourselves.

Not forgetting those memories, treasure them forever i shall.

With reality ringing our bells, we part our ways now.

Its only for a while, for we will meet again.

So lets all work hard now.

2011-05-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

So many things to do,

That i couldn't solve,

I can't help to think,

That i'll fail them all.

What should i do?

2011-05-07T07:28:00.001-07:00

Feels liberated being far away from home.

2011-05-04T06:30:00.001-07:00

Thank you.

I was stunned and i didn't know what to say.

But really, thank you.

2011-05-02T06:17:00.001-07:00

When you need help.

You know how to ask, where is js?

When i need help.

You know how to ask, who is js?

So,

What do you think js is?

I ain't your fucking maid.

2011-04-26T04:45:00.000-07:00

Destined to fail, I scurry hastily towards the path laid down for my fair share of failures. Sucks.

2011-04-25T01:05:00.001-07:00

i guess failing is all i can do eh?

2011-03-25T10:59:00.001-07:00

sometimes it may not look like i care.

but in fact, i really do.

i'm just afraid. sometimes getting involved can bring devastating effects.

mind you, its not easy to be that way.

2011-03-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

the feeling i have now. how do i say it.

i have so much that i want to say and i don't know where to start.

or how to say it. i fear the consequences that will happen for some things that i have to say.

i too fear the consequences that will not happen for some things that i can't say.

so what should i do? how did life become so complicated in the first place anyway?

2011-03-15T01:46:00.001-07:00

perhaps, i have lost the will?

2011-02-27T05:56:00.000-08:00

i just found out that my life is so boring.

let me tell you a little something about meself.

when i'm very silent. it means that i'm very serious.

and when i'm very serious. its probably because i'm very angry.

i don't get serious often. it takes out the fun and it scares the hell outta me.

so yeah. be careful when i'm serious.

don't like me? come get a bite then.

2011-02-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

friends. sigh.

2011-01-06T06:32:00.001-08:00

it feels like i'm drifting away again.

with the winds. going fast with the strong gusts and slower when the day is at ease.

it different this time. it doesn't feel the same.

does anyone mind pulling me back?

2010-12-13T01:53:00.000-08:00

you put up that sad face everytime i leave.

i wonder how much of it is love is it just fear of being alone.

2010-12-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

its been a long time, blog.

and spm is still around. ending soon though.

it has been tough. really tough. all the late nights and stuff.

it got me thinking again. its crazy. i know. i think too much. nonsense mostly.

i'm sure it got many people thinking too. bout all sorts of stuff.

since its time we make decisions. big ones at it too.

i have this weird feeling. like a dulling pencil.

its like i'm losing things in my life. bit by bit.

its not saddening but a little worrying though.

its a little like i'm filling up trash bins. with everything in my life.

the past, the days where we didn't like how things were.

and the times where we used to hide and cry away those little secrets.

the good times too. with the people. all the important and crazy people in my life.

the memories. its like they're fading away. into a sheet of white.

i don't want them to go away. they're what thats been keeping me afloat from drowning.

from this world of madness. saving me always. popping up in my brain like a reminder.

its scary. knowing that i don't care as much anymore. like i'm becoming a dumb person.

hopefully its just the future thats making me giddy and everything will work out fine.

its been long. 17years. its high time i change a new pencil and start writing a new chapter.

i'll keep this old pencil for old time's sake and sharpen a new one with the life i'm gonna have.

after spm that is. i bet its gonna be awesome and i'm gonna have a good start this time.

till then.

2010-11-21T04:44:00.001-08:00

remember the times where we sat on an empty field.

where the wind blows slowly. like a soft touch of a long lost love.

it felt like magic. but now i'm here and i don't know where you are.

ironic isn't it. whispers of comfort from the ancient winds.

and it all goes too well with those salty, silent tears.

2010-11-21T01:56:00.000-08:00

for tomorrow and friends.

its all the tomorrows that we gotta believe in.

all the friends to help us hang onto what's left of our sanity and all the more smiles to come.

2010-11-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

i've always kept my hair long.

because you once said i look good with it.

its time i live my life.

2010-11-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

its always sad to see an ending. even if its a happy ending.

i always get too emotional when it comes to endings.

i get attached to damned easy. i gotta get a grip on life.

i really hope everything will work out well.

2010-11-11T17:06:00.000-08:00

places to be,

people to see,

but none of these,

are important than thee.

2010-11-07T06:15:00.000-08:00

never judge a book by its cover.

things are never as it seems.

its all too true. everything is encrypted with some secret.

waiting to be uncovered. if you could understand what i say.

i'd be the most grateful person in the world.

i'll kneel at your feet and cry a river while thanking you for eternity.

i'm that desperate.

2010-11-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

does nobody understand my pain?

2010-11-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

its a smile.

its a cry.

theres a star hanging on the sky.

its all irrelevant.

cuz you're the one that matters.

2010-10-31T06:32:00.000-07:00

the old times were all too damn good.

i'd give anything to relive them.

but here we are. an end to a path in our lives.

but not an end to our lives. new paths ahead.

its a matter of choosing what works and what not.

whats good and whats bad. it may work, it may not.

but we won't know if we don't try.

so why don't we all try our best and see whats on the other side of those paths.

the past may be bad. may be good. may just be fine.

the present may be cruel, delusive and harsh.

it matters not. cuz the future is waiting. for the better or the worst.

we are the ones who make it. so don't give up just yet alright?

in the future. the past doesn't matter. so forget them. throw them away.

press the delete button. they're just ghosts of our lives.

and we move on.

2010-10-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

DIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

'nuff said

2010-10-30T04:12:00.003-07:00

i just wanna be acknowledged sometimes.

for my efforts. i'm a person too.

2010-10-30T04:12:00.001-07:00

i just wanna be acknowledged sometimes.

for my efforts. i'm a person too.

2010-10-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

time wasted.

emotions wasted.

efforts not appreciated.

SPM is in 21 days if i remember correctly.

yet i'm still here thinking bout how bad the world treats me.

instead of using the little time that i have left to save my less bright future.

i feel unready. steady as i always thought i was. i've been proven wrong again and again.

when will i finally realize that i'm not any good? not even near the best but the the bottom?

when will i realize that life will always shoot at you and you've gotta learn how to survive the hard way?

when will you realize that you won't have what they have because you're not them?

that you're been hiding in that corner for far too long and reality has been knocking on your door since forever?

that you and i don't belong in the same sentence.

i'm a coward. please give me a little courage. just enough to open that stupid door.

i don't wanna be stuck here forever. stuck in the past while everyone is building up their roads to the future.

so please. please help me.

little distractions, deceitful hints. i've had enough.

i've gone astray long enough.

2010-10-30T03:57:00.000-07:00

an end is a start of a new beginning.

i'd say a new beginning is a start of a new ending.

2010-10-15T08:19:00.001-07:00

i've always wanted to be a writer.

but i've got no talent. but at least yours ain't as ridiculous as mine.

yours can be done. so don't say that you're not good enough.

i know you are good. one of the best i dare say.

it saddens me that the things we talk about. could be as trivial as it was.

i could only hope to be let in. even just a little. i'm no good talk. but i've got two ears.

they're free of charge. so don't worry. lets talk alright? about anything. everything.

2010-10-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

i wanna talk.

i wanna tell.

i want people to know.

but i can only say no.

i locked myself up.

and i've lost the keys.

so all i can do now.

is stay away.

2010-10-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

with just about a month time and a few more days. i'd say its the climax of our lives.

it determines where we go and how we live our lives. well not literally.

but you know what i mean.

it scares me. how unprepared i am. its not the exams that i'm scared of.

its the lack of knowledge. its saddening. times wasted all these years.

the fun was awesome but i failed at pulling myself back to reality.

and it all started with its just a day. just once. no more. lies lies and lies.

i missed those driving lessons i used to dread.

i saw a L license driving today. it reminds me of when i was just learning too.

though it was horrible. hours wasted and the early morning wake ups.

but it reminds me of what i should have done with all the free time then. up till now.

hopes and dream. in a few months time. we'll be putting pieces of our lives in places.

pieces to build up our future in many many forms. no matter what the reasons are and for.

we'll still have to make it right? the world is cruel. definitely tough for anyone to live in.

it'll be goodbye and tears in a few months time. okay. maybe not tears.

we'll be leaving. friends made throughout the years. you guys are awesome.

for the fun we had. thank you people.

i'll bear them regrets too though. as a lesson. learnt or not.

be there to nudge me always. before i make any decision.

i've made lotsa bad choices. mistakes. still making them.

i just wanna say sorry to all the people. you know who you are.

i'm still sorry even if you don't.

i made up a habit. a stupid one.

i lie to myself all the time. convincing myself things will be alright.

even if it doesn't. call me a mad man. but it feels pretty awesome.

when everything works well. the lies that is.

i've always wondered how some people can be so damn ignorant.

think i understand them now. maybe just a little bit.

i just read through what i typed. its really messy. i don't know why.

i've been trying to tidy up my blog. the way i write. its still like this.

maybe it is because i'm messed up too. i thought i was over it.

all these are prove that i hadn't now eh?

just another ordinary guy i told myself. just a little knocked up in the head.

all along. i thought i was ordinary too. just to find out that i'm not.

well. i'm not anything special. just out of the ordinary. out of range with people.

its like i'm not getting coverage in my own little world.

i'm just different. weird.

can we have a decent conversation some time? its just what i want to do. before everything ends. just once. just once.

2010-10-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

all of a sudden. i feel really happy.

its because of you. too bad you don't even know about it.

2010-10-12T00:25:00.000-07:00

its sad that a person feels that they got to prove themselves to be accepted by people.

how does one live to be that way. the world can be cruel in many ways.

2010-10-10T02:42:00.001-07:00

Though memories are discarded and one does not feel the cold stabs of emotions.

The emptiness is still there.

Amplified by the space left from memories thrown away.

One feels lost and the urge of filling up the cavity but got lost along the way.

How does one be whole again?

Not with covering them with lies.

Though pretty lies last for some time.

It is an addiction to do what one has been doing.

Feeling good has never been so.

It feels very much better.

To be at peace. hough it lasts not.

Not at all. it is a pain. life that is.

One admits defeat only left to be at awe as how life can be harsh enough.

Harsh as it is as present.

A sandpaper rubbed against a fragile heart.

There is nothing but death awaits down the path. Nothing.